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18 Tips For Dealing With Conflict
Conflict can arise in all kinds of situations, at home or at work, with children, family or colleagues. Or even with people you have never met before.
Many people go to great lengths to avoid conflict, not wanting to make a fuss, create a scene or cause unpleasantness. Unfortunately, this approach doesn't guarantee that conflict won't arise and it often leads to those people simply doing what other people want them to because they would rather not speak up.
Of course, dealing with conflict successfully is partly about being assertive, which I've written about before, but this article isn't specifically about being assertive. It's a list of tips to bear in mind to help you communicate effectively when you find yourself in a situation which could get a bit heated.
- Try to deal with conflicts early on before they develop.
- Don't make a major issue out of small things, e.g. a look or an expression, " What's that look supposed to mean? " Small issues get out of hand at an alarming rate.
- Try to understand what's behind a conflict - what's really going on? Is it about personalities, roles, goals, facts, values? What is said is often just the surface, disguising the real issue.
- On the other hand, don't dwell too much on what caused the problem, focus more on how to resolve it, on what to do next.
- Don't assume the other person's position is more valid than your own, or that your own is more valid than theirs, before you have discussed it fully.
- Try not to think in terms of winning and losing, but in terms of resolving the conflict.
- Try to move away from having two opposing stances, like stags headbutting each other, and look for an alternative which suits you both.
- Allow the other person an exit which preserves their self - esteem so they can change their view without losing face.
- Stick to the issue at hand, don't allow other things to get thrown in which escalate the conflict.
- Remember that the old saying " sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me " is nonsense. Anyway, you don't want to put ideas into someone's head and see him coming back with a stick.
- Avoid phrases like " you should have " or " you ought to ."
- Avoid sarcasm. Yes, I know it can be very satisfying, but it doesn't help.
- Don't exaggerate and don't let the other person do it. If someone says, " You're always late ", for example, it's unlikely to be true.
- Don't question people's intentions or integrity. Stick to the facts of what happened.
- Avoid making or accepting ultimatums.
- Don't interrupt the other person and don't let them interrupt you.
- Listen.
- Stay calm.
Much of this is easier said than done. If it helps, print off a copy of this and hand it to anyone who approaches you in a threatening manner.
Alan Matthews
Train of Thought
0121 249 1306
www.trainofthoughtcourses.com
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