This article is about making small talk or keeping a conversation going.

This is something many people find difficult but it's crucial in both social and business settings.

My own work involves being away from home quite a lot running residential training courses and sitting down to dinner with groups of people I've never met before. So I need to be able to talk to people and to get them talking to each other.

Even so, I still feel anxious at the prospect of meeting new people and having to think of something to talk about. But here are some tips I've learned which can help you if you find yourself in this position.

TIP ONE

Where possible, do some research and preparation.

This sound a bit formal but it depends on the situation.

If you're going to a business event, you may be meeting business owners or people from within your own organisation. You should be able to find out a bit about them, maybe by looking on the internet if their business has a website or by talking to people who know them.

Get some background about them, who they are, what they do, what their role is. This will give you an introduction and a way to get a conversation started, e.g. " Hello, you're David Wilson, aren't you? I understand you've just joined the marketing group. How are you finding it? "

Of course, be careful about the subject matter. If you see that someone's business is doing badly, it might be best not to mention it. " Hi, I see your share price has dropped through the floor this week, that must be really worrying. "

In social situations, you can still do some research. We invited a woman my wife works with for dinner recently with her husband. I hadn't met either of them before so I asked my wife about them. They both like cycling, he's a bit of a fitness fanatic, she's learning Italian, they have two teenaged sons, one has just gone to University. That gave me plenty to ask them about.

TIP TWO

I've just mention this - ask questions.

Someone once said " It's more important to be interested than to be interesting " and this is true when making conversation with new people.

Don't talk about yourself all the time. Ask questions, get other people talking. Set yourself a goal of finding out as much as you can about them rather than telling them as much as you can about yourself.

Of course, they may well want to find out about you as well, and they won't want to feel as if they're being interrogated, but try to make sure you're not doing all the talking.

What to ask questions about? Well, if you've done some research you should have some ideas, but otherwise there are lots of potential topics - work, family, holidays, interests, hobbies, people, current affairs, etc.

The main thing is to find something they are enthusiastic about and to tap into that enthusiasm by going a little deeper with your questions. Find out how they feel about the subject, what makes it interesting for them.

For example, just on the simple topic of holidays, if you find they have booked a holiday in Italy, you could ask:

- whether they have been there before

- what makes them want to go ( or go back )

- what they look for in a holiday

- which other places they have visited that have made an impression

- if they could live in another country, where would it be and why?

These questions help you find out more about the person and to make a connection without being too intrusive. They take you further than " Who are you flying with? Which airport are you going from? What is the weather going to be like? "

If you're in a work situation, ask someone what they like about their job, what made them choose it, where they would like to be in a few years time.

TIP THREE

Try to find something you have in common.

The questions I have suggested will help you to identify any areas where you agree or have the same feelings. This helps to create a rapport. If you can say, " Me too " it forms a bond and will really keep the conversation going.

However, even if you disagree on something, you don't need to let this put a stop to the conversation. If someone says they love beach holidays and you love really busy holidays with plenty to do, you don't need to say " Wow, spending a whole week lying on a beach sounds like a nightmare to me. "

You can just ask them what makes it so important to them. Is it because their lives are so busy, because the children have somewhere to play, because they love sailing or watersports? This will give you more to talk about.

TIP FOUR

Know a little about a lot.

My wife says that I have mastered this art. She often hears me in conversation with someone and says, " How did you know that? I didn't think you knew anything about ( sumo wrestling ). "

I read.

I don't read in depth but I often scan the headlines in newspapers and I tend to pick up a few nuggets of information about all sorts of things. Then I can drop them into a conversation. Often this starts others off on a topic and I can sit back and listen.

It works particularly well with sports, films, TV series, even politics( although that may be one to avoid unless you know the other people well ).

You don't want to give the impressions you're an expert if you're not, you'll only get caught out. If the other person says, " Oh, do you follow ( crown green bowling) then? " you can just say, " Not really, I just noticed something about it in the paper this morning and thought it was interesting. "

These are just 4 tips which I think can help to make any situation easier to handle. The key for me is to think, not " What can I talk about? " but " What can I ask about? ". If you find your mind going blank, think of a question rather than a statement and try to get the other person to keep talking.

Train Of Thought offers training in all areas of communication skills to help you have more impact on the people you deal with every day. Why not visit the website for more information?

Alan Matthews

Train Of Thought

Bringing Out The Best In People

0121  249 1306

Mobile: 07708 562 095

email: alan@trainofthoughtcourses.com 

Website: www.trainofthoughtcourses.com